This is a “onion”-style piece I wrote. I was trying to write something bad. It was FUN!
SCRANTON, PA—Pennsylvania went crazy last week after Rick Scott announced that his child, who had been suffering from exposure to the Scranton-started “That’s What She Said” disease, was recovering rapidly in the hospital. Scott claims that ever since the first time his son, Michael, heard a “That’s What She Said” joke he had been permanently scarred.
At a press conference on Thursday, Scott stated that “because of the tremendous help from the local Scranton hospital, and support from family and friends, I think that my dear friend, son, and golf buddy, will recover from this sickening and saddening disease.”
Michael’s problems started in late 2009 and kept worsening throughout the year. Last month, Scott decided enough was enough. “He just wasn’t himself” says Scott.
After making his decision, Scott called 911 and the ambulance arrived in less than 5 minutes. “I was really surprised that it was that fast…when I’ve called them before it’s taken at least 15 minutes.” said Scott in an interview conducted in the hospital later that night.
The doctors told Scott that his son was one of several hundred who had come in just that month for the same issue. None of the patients had survived the severe damage of the disease. That’s when Scott started to really get worried. He recalled “feeling a sense of guilt and sadness for not bringing Michael sooner.”
Michael was taken strait to an isolated part of the hospital for his treatments. Scott didn’t realize that this was the last time he would see his child for a month. Part of the treatment for TWSS patients is a strict isolation from the rest of the world for at least 1 month. More time is added depending on how bad the case is. Luckily, Michael’s case was not as bad as some. He only had to be in isolation for 31 days. Doctors say that Michael was very, very lucky.
While Scott was alone in his house for the month of September, he started a support group for victims of TWSS. The group called “Twizzlers for TWSS” makes personalized licorice and sells them for top dollar around the nation to support families who have been struck by the disease. So far the organization has sold 2,500 TWSS Twizzlers, earning $2,500. In a press conference after Scott started the organization, he stated “Not just normal people are being hit every day by this dangerous plague, it’s also celebrities. Taylor Swift is said to have had the disease for a year and a half. Luckily she had her twin around to sing for her while she was in therapy.”
Michael returned to his father just this week and is as happy as ever. One must be happy when fate has chosen life for you in the last month. He is back to his normal self and enjoys playing with golf balls with his dad, just like they used to. This dangerous disease can be stopped, this is proof. Together, we can show TWSS who is boss.